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#2568069 - 12/11/13 01:36 AM "Just Send The Money To Me" (in lieu of flowers)
ellen Offline


Registered: 01/08/12
Loc: Deep South
I'm very accustomed (and very acceptable of) seeing "In lieu of flowers, you may send donations to [this or that charity.]" I've just seen something I've never seen before, from the son of a (local, but nationally known) blues musician who died yesterday, "In lieu of flowers, you may send donations to [his son] at [address.]"

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#2568077 - 12/11/13 03:25 AM Re: "Just Send The Money To Me" (in lieu of flowers) [Re: ellen]
EJQ Offline


Registered: 06/01/04
Loc: Texas
Perhaps he needs some more detailed information concerning Funeral etiquette?

blush
_________________________
"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..."

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#2568094 - 12/11/13 06:36 AM Re: "Just Send The Money To Me" (in lieu of flowers) [Re: EJQ]
Bill Roha Offline


Registered: 07/04/10
Loc: Wayne County, Indiana
I've seen the equivalent locally more frequently recently.

"To help defray funeral expenses", "to pay for her son's education", etc. are really the same as asking directly for the money.

It seems a little "off" to me, but if the family needs the money, is it really wrong?

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#2568096 - 12/11/13 06:42 AM Re: "Just Send The Money To Me" (in lieu of flowers) [Re: Bill Roha]
ErinK Offline


Registered: 01/04/09
Loc: Hendricks County, Indiana
Originally Posted By: Bill Roha
I've seen the equivalent locally more frequently recently.

"To help defray funeral expenses", "to pay for her son's education", etc. are really the same as asking directly for the money.

It seems a little "off" to me, but if the family needs the money, is it really wrong?


I've seen a number of those requests which state "a trust has been established for" and then lists a bank to send donations to. It doesn't bother me a bit, especially in cases where the deceased has dependent children. Asking for donations to be sent directly to the (presumably adult) son has a different feel to it, though.
_________________________
Prader-Willi Syndrome...hungry for a cure!

Genealogists don't die. They just lose their census.

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#2568099 - 12/11/13 06:55 AM Re: "Just Send The Money To Me" (in lieu of flowers) [Re: ErinK]
Little Pretty Offline


Registered: 01/19/08
Loc: Really close to the North Pole
That does seem a bit off, even if the family needs the money it should be given and held in a trust. At least that way you would know it's been used properly.

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#2568114 - 12/11/13 08:13 AM Re: "Just Send The Money To Me" (in lieu of flowers) [Re: Little Pretty]
EJQ Offline


Registered: 06/01/04
Loc: Texas
I've seen "in lieu of..trust" many times, and agree that's the best way, but the forming of a proper trust could involve some legalities, and some folks just don't like lawyers, or bankers, for that matter. The son would probably receive more if he had gone to the trouble.

This way, he may get real chummy with the I.R.S. JMO, but I'd much prefer lawyers and bankers.
_________________________
"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..."

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